I don’t remember the exact line, but in an episode of House, Dr. House says something like, “As long as they don’t hurt us, secrets can keep us warm.” Although I have been transparent in much of my writing on this blog, much about me remains unrevealed.
I will tell you that starting in my teens I have suffered from bouts of depression and/or existential crises. After I married they became less frequent and the move to Arizona has also elevated my mood. I have been lucky to have had some great help, most notably the late Richard Segal. I beseech you to seek help if you are chronically depressed.
Why am I writing about this today? One of my “secrets” is that I read and absorb information unusually quickly. The most recent example is that I read all of Matthew Perry’s book (Friends, Lovers, And The Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir) in one day.
In some ways, Perry is brutally honest about his long battle with substance abuse, including the many ways in which he tried to keep his problems hidden from those around him. However, I found his deus ex machina revelations which he claims will keep him from ever abusing drugs again to be facile and insincere. I am reluctant to write this, but after reading about the extent of his addictions, I will not be surprised if he doesn’t live to see 60. Of course, I hope I am wrong.
I know that in Western society men are not supposed to show “weakness.” Perry’s battle with substance abuse began in his teens, an age when a male is just not going to seek therapy. A secret, though, is that therapy–even on an occasional basis–can be very helpful. Concepts I learned from Richard Segal still help me today; he has been dead for 5 years and I hadn’t spoken to him for at least two or three years before he died.
Two days ago I wrote about my hope that this blog reaches x0,000 views for the year. That exact number will remain a secret. My revealing that wish and asking for help in getting there seems to have backfired, frankly. Yesterday the blog had the fewest views for a day with a post in at least the last month.
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I look forward to the Tennessee-Georgia college football game later today. The Volunteers are ranked Number One in the first “official” College Football Playoff (CFP) rankings while the Bulldogs, the defending national champions, are ranked third.
The SEC, the conference to which both teams belong, is so strong and so highly regarded that it is more than a longshot that today’s losing team could still be among the four chosen at the end of the season to be in the CFP.
Oh, I still miss not having any more computer football games to play in the just completed season, but that feeling lessens every day.
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7 thoughts on “Secret Saturday”
According to most everyone around my parts, I’m some form of mutant as I don’t “don the red and black” when UGA plays a game. No amount of explaining that I’m not a fan of stick and ball sports seems to soothe their angst. If they also were to realize I’m not a member of any of the local church’s, that you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting one of, I would likely be burned at the stake. Instead, I’m tending to some needed maintenance around my homestead this weekend. I’m certain that if I head into town for a meal later, I will hear nothing but how the game turned out, win or lose.
Everyone has their form of relaxation or enjoyable activity, stick and ball sports don’t happen to be one of mine. But yes, I’m still a real ‘Murican.
Thanks, DDM. I have no doubt you are a real American. What is sad, though, is that this country used to embrace a philosophy that it was OK to “do your own thing” as long as you weren’t hurting anyone. The political and social idiots now insist that we do what they tell us to do. Fuck them!
Thank you for your openness. I would have never guessed that during our high school years that you were depressed. I guess when my dad died during our sophomore year I went into survivor mode and did not recognize other’s issues.
I wholeheartedly agree with getting therapy. After my mom died, my divorce went through, and I closed my practice all within six months, I went through what I would call ennui/emotional inertia. My girlfriend at the time demanded that I see a therapist, and it turned out to be a seminal moment in my life.
Today I have a large amount of joy, especially after the sh🤬t sandwiches i have choked down in life. Perhaps the greatest source of that joy is being at a point in life where I can not GAF and get away with it. Also, karma has been kind. For example, I am at a work conference and by serendipity I ran into everyone I needed to see without an appointment! Also, the Fates have allowed me to amass the stereo system of my dreams, which has been forty years in the making. Life is like the Marines: it’s not only a job, but also an adventure.
My father moved out while I was in junior high and the divorce was finalized while I was in high school. It was quite a burden to carry and I didn’t share it with too many people.
Glad to read you have found joy; being able not to GAF and to get away with it must be a great place to exist. I have glimpses of joy, but life is still not what I really want. I suspect it never will be. I was a high achiever for many years and simply cannot find contentment in first gear.
What a coincidence, yesterday my wife and I went to Indigo bookstore and the first book that caught my eye was the Matthew Perry’s biography.
Thanks for sharing.
I’m sorry I missed reading your blog the last couple of days. We’ve been a little busy out of the house the last couple of days.
Enjoy watching Tennessee vs. Georgia. We will be watching Arizona playing in the cold of Salt Lake City against Utah and enjoying homemade pizza. Arizona has the 3rd best offense in the country. Too bad the defense is not as capable. If my Cats beat the Utes, it will be an upset of epic proportions.
I am reluctant to divulge any secrets. Those are divulged in prayer only.
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