Sunday Confession

I’m tired of exercising three days a week. I’m tired of walking an additional x,000 steps a day and climbing at least y flights of stairs.

I’m tired of passing on dessert 10-10 1/2 months a year. I’m tired of only eating one or two boxes of Cap’n Crunch cereal a year. In general, I am VERY tired of being a slave to my Hemoglobin A1C tests.

I am tired of being obsessed with the number of blog views/visitors. I am tired of my OCD/numbers nerd brain calculating how many more views per day I need the rest of the month or the rest of the year to reach x,000.

I have to admit that much of the positive change in mood that came with the move to Arizona has faded. Don’t get me wrong: I am happy to be here and would rather be here than in the mid-Atlantic. It’s just that whatever was missing in my life before the move is still missing. I wish I knew what that was.







6 thoughts on “Sunday Confession

  1. “It’s just that whatever was missing in my life before the move is still missing. I wish I knew what that was.”

    Perhaps it’s having a purpose, or at least something to do each day. While it might not be a paying job, having SOMETHING to do each day tends to give one a better outlook on things. Some of the worst times in my life have been when I was incapacitated, like a couple months ago after my medical issues. Being unable to visit job sites, or even get out into my shops to tinker on my toys, about drove me nuckin futs. If/when I get to a point where I couldn’t do either, I would probably find some type of charity/non profit to volunteer at, just to get me out and doing something, even if only for a couple hours a day. I can only spend so much time a day surfing the net, or watching the lobotomy box.

    But as always, YMMV.


    1. Thanks, DDM. Your characterization of TV as the lobotomy box is spot on.

      This will sound horribly selfish, but I am not going to give my time away because I have nothing better to do. To borrow a phrase, if I do that then the terrorists win. It will be my acknowledging that I have no value to any endeavor in any role at any price (above zero). By the barest of margins, I would rather do nothing than do the wrong thing. What I can’t get my head around is why I can’t find the right thing to keep me engaged 10-20 hours a week.

      That’s why my departure from baseball was so difficult to process. In what seemed to be the blink of an eye, I went from working for multiple teams earning five figures a month to being told I had no value in any role at any price. I know I am fortunate in that I do not absolutely have to work, but I still shudder to think at what would happen if I did have to.


  2. I guess I look at giving my time away slightly different. I don’t see it as having no value, I look at it as “paying it forward.” Be it the son of a friend who I’m helping modify his car in my shop, or my participation at a charity car show at a local children’s hospital (unfortunately canceled the last 2 years because of the Chinese Lung Crud). At the show, most of those kids wouldn’t know a Studebaker from a Subaru, all they know is the cars, and motorcycles, are shiny, loud, they can sit in them and they are “cool”. For me, watching them smile for a few hours in an otherwise bleak situation, is worth more than a blue ribbon at Pebble Beach.

    Same deal with my shop. At any given time, there is at least 1 vehicle in my shop/yard that doesn’t belong to me. I especially like showing younger folks how to do things correctly, be it building an engine, welding, machining or even painting basics. No matter how hard I fight it, I’m not going to live forever so I want someone to be able to do at least some of the things I can do. I’m in a position where I don’t need more money from my free time, so I’m glad to be able to spread some of it around.

    And being as I’ve not always been an angel in my life, perhaps whoever is keeping score will balance some of my good deeds against some of the less savory things I’ve done over the years..


    1. Thanks again, DDM. It is said that “pride goeth before the fall” or “pride goeth before the destruction.” Maybe I’m “asking” for a fall or destruction, but until someone is paying me for my time, I just can’t give it away to strangers. DSFDF…


  3. I can’t help you with your ennui, but I can help you with your HbA1C. First, in the end, we’re all going to die. As a result, your strict adherence to a HbA1C will indeed help you live longer, but perhaps not better, and will make the time SEEM even longer.
    What I am about to say may be blasphemy, especially since I work on “the dark side” but you may want to consider adding a new drug to your regimen to ward off the causes of death associated with T2D: heart disease and kidney failure. You could potentially “have your Cap’t Crunch and eat it too” with small adjustments in the current way you treat your diabetes. We can pursue it offline.
    Re purpose, I remember a spunky young man who at one time didn’t give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor. It’s time for him to find a way to screw Dean Wormer.


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